Someone's in the hospital - now what?

Someone you know has a child in the hospital. You want to go visit, and boy-oh-boy do you want to help. Here are my recommendations for taking something on your visit that the child and his or her parents will appreciate and use. (I also think this approach works quite well for grown-up friends in the hospital!)

First, let them know you're coming. A surprise hospital visit is No Fun.

Second, ask what you can bring. But you have to ask the right way. Don't say, "Can I bring you anything?" They'll say no. Your average Pain Parent has a white-knuckled grip on everything as he or she tries to stay on top of the situation, and won't want to ask for help. So, you have to be specific and make it easy for them to accept small favors. For example:

"I'm going to bring you some munchies - is there anything in particular you and the kiddo want me to include?"

"I'm stopping at Starbuck's on the way to the hospital - what would you like, or should I just pick something for you?"

Third, pack a little bag of oh-no-someone-is-in-the-hospital goodies. It's not much, and it doesn't have to be expensive - these are simple things they'll be glad to have on hand. And you don't need a fancy bag, just whatever you have handy; I used an old Coldwater Creek bag last Saturday.

Here are a few ideas for things that you can put in the bag to take to your friend and their child:

1. Notebook and pen (to keep track of questions for the doctor, and to take notes on what the doctor says).

2. Saltine crackers, granola bars, apples, or other healthy and "easy" munchies. Make sure what you pack doesn't require utensils, won't make a mess, and doesn't have a strong smell that can upset someone who already feels awful. Remember, no need to get fancy -- I just raid my pantry.

3. Bottles of water and maybe a couple of cans of Sprite, ginger ale, or something you know they like. I know that my Pain Parent pal CP will be ready to murder someone for a Diet Coke by noon, so that's part of what I take for her.

4. A quiet activity that the child can do in bed. This can be something as simple as a sketch pad and colored pencils, an age-appropriate book, or a kit to weave friendship bracelets. Think twice before you send markers - again, anything with a strong smell can create more trouble for the patient.

5. Lend a few of your own DVDs so they have something to watch on the hospital's DVD player.

6. Today's newspaper and/or a magazine.

It's natural to want to DO something when a friend is sick. That's what I like about my oh-no-someone-is-in-the-hospital bags. You'll feel better taking something to help your friends, and they'll appreciate the thoughtfulness.